Hocd feels like denial. But all of this makes me wonder if it's HOCD or denial.

Hocd feels like denial I feel like my attraction to guys is totally gone. E It can sometimes be discovered in coming out of denial but I feel like that would require the person to have an interest in it in the first place, Bro everything is just a fear of denial, I hate it bc I’m actually so afraid that I’ve lived 15 year in denial bc I’ve always known myself as straight and not questioned it but a year ago I started to not feel straight in just afraid I’ve changed to something I don’t want to be or something I know I’ll not enjoy with men I’ve thought of men in a romantic and sexual way which I I have OCD in general and have experienced other extreme OCDs. My OCD had been cancer phobic for 7 years (it's not completely gone) and only 9 months pre that were HOCD, now I've done so much work on the cancer stuff, HOCD popped backed up. Treatment Options for HOCD and Denial. New comments cannot be posted. I feel like in denial I feel like it is a waste of time of both you and your partner, and it’s so much better to not hurt anyone besides self. Both HOCD and denial can cause sufferers to feel anxious or nervous. I realised that the power came from a 'fear' of being gay. Feels like I like how it's romantic to see 2 men have sex but I don't want it but whenever I test it gets me off. I’m very confused and feel like I’m seeking HOCD to help myself in denial. To this day many people think I'm gay. I have been straight all my life, it’s like it just took one day for me to be straight all my life into being gay. I really,really with all my heart, hope that this is HOCD. I feel like I want to be gay and am in denial. I have no hope. Bit of a (back story) i always felt very insecure about my looks and always thought i was ugly. make people who have HOCD doubt. It was like one day I was my normal self and then the next day I was being wiped The tingling You are feeling in Your chest and groin is not arousal it may feel like it, I feel so sick and tired of feeling like i am in denial. I always try to picture myself with a woman and anytime I do that I basically feel sick and horrible. When I have these unwanted thoughts, I freak out and those thoughts cause me to feel like I’m gay. Even worse is that I can't tell if I like or dislike the same sex anymore. as if I can’t get in with life before I get reassurance or that I’m sure it’s common or just fabricated by HOCD. ) then I come out of it but the thoughts are still there, then I fall back into a relapse and the cycle Every time I see or walk past regular looking gay guys it’s like I want to stare at them not sexually but my mind feels like it has to acknowledge them or I start (look at their face) or something. At first as my HOCD was going away, I thought it was more and more likely that I was bi, perhaps gay-leaning bi. Hocd kicked in the second time like 2 weeks ago). Share Sort by: Best. Sometimes I feel like I try to be straight but watching straight corn but ik that’s all non telling of anything. HOCD doesn't even care about that. Denial, HOCD. Advertisement Coins. This does not make sense. This guy that I’m talking to i feel like I’m lying to myself and it’s insane because last year I found him so cute, Every time I see a relationship I get sad knowing that will not be in one since I feel like I’m lying to myself . How to Differentiate Between HOCD and Denial The Presence of Obsessions and Compulsions. At first I'm feeling this like a crush feeling and it feels like I like it but then it goes away, I feel drained and tired and then I instantly remember how I used to feel for men and it I really dont know what to do anymore I had the worst sleep. People who are gay but in the closest usally know that they are gay but are afraid what the reaction of family/society will be. But all of this makes me wonder if it's HOCD or denial. What my therapist told me is that I have to remember that it's a fear, that it doesn't describe who I am. Someday I feel straight, like I enjoy the idea of sex with women I get aroused at women fantasies, other days I'm numb af and those days feel like I'm just gay. While HOCD and denial may seem similar on the surface, there are some key differences between the two. Sometimes it feels so real that I am convinced it’s not hocd and I must be bi. Next Last. HOCD is caused by a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors, while denial is often a response to a traumatic event, loss, or change in circumstances. I just want my heterosexuality back, or at least to be bi so I can be with women. This was confusing to me because i’ve always liked girls. It's not unusual for completely straight guys to not have a problem showering in a gym, not I get that. But without anxiety it feels so real and like true desire and I am so confused help It feels like I am forcing myself to like guys, loving my bf and just living in denial. For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance! I am a bot, Thankyou, I hope you do too, I miss my old self a couple month ago it generally feels like I’m in denial and just not accepting it :/ I've read that these questions are basically what people in denial ask themselves. I just feel like I want to do all this now. Sexual Orientation OCD, previously known as HOCD, is an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) subtype centered around persistent doubt and fear about the sufferer’s sexual orientation. This post gives me hope. i mean the anxiety around my thoughts haven't appeared in forever, And as of now it feels like I’m gay because I get aroused and feel like I enjoy the gay thoughts. ” And I just feel so fucking sad. Hocd sufferers are mainly afraid that they are gay. Just like any other manifestation of OCD, Sexual Orientation OCD can appear at any time in one’s life and tends to focus on a specific core fear that one is gay, will become gay, want to be gay, I am so tired of all this thinking I dont know what is true. I can hardly breathe anymore as this is giving me heart problems and anxiety and I'm constantly short of breath. I just want it to go away. HOCD and denial can both make it difficult for sufferers to get a good night’s sleep. I just wanted to be sure. I also check myself and some stuff also feels "good". It feels like I'm forcing myself to like men and to think that they're hot. No matter which of the two it is, HOCD, denial, or a combination of the two, the same methods lead to healing and happiness. When i would imagine doing things with another guy, it would seem like i actually wanted to do it, which i didn’t like at all. i started having hocd about 4 months ago and it all started with one thought “wow that guy is attractive” Hello my name is Tom I’m a 23 year old male and married that was so happy about 3 months ago and secure about my sexuality then one day my friend pretended to jerk me off as a joke (no contact) and a weird vibe came over me the next day I thot of my other friend came to my head and I couldn’t shake it as hard as I tried now fast foward I’m so deppressed wit life, some men It genuinely feels like denial. Like all the guys that I thought were hot, I can’t look at them same cause my brain was like “it was false attraction, see your not turned on by them. It feels too much like denial. I feel a big disconnect from me and other men even since before the hocd. I used to be sure i wasnt gay but now im in such a bad spot were no reassurance will i always had a crush on girls, i used to dream about having sex with girls ever since i was very young and i mean like 5-6, and i remember a girl walking through the door when i was 4 and instantly i had a crush on her, throughout primary/elementary school i had multiple girlfriend and same in high school, when i hit puberty well even before i hit puberty i started ejaculating to Like my brain is so trained from HOCD that my mind goes to guys and it doesn’t get any better. I’ve always been straight my whole life then i began doubting and now i think I have HOCD. I think my HOCD is gone but I’m now in denial about my sexuality and struggling to except it Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 5 votes and 26 comments It feels like I’m just saying that because that’s what I want to be, but if I come to the conclusion that I’m Bi or Gay, it feels like I’m saying it but not really accepting it within, which convinces me that I’m in denial. Those with this subtype are plagued by unwanted thoughts, It's the same for me. Is this HOCD or am i in denial? Archived post. I don't get nervous around really attractive girls anymore, now i just recognize they're attractive or have big tits or whatever. I’m 21 and I’m acting like a 12 year old that is awkward that is why I never had a bf. I ignored the thoughts for 2/3 years. Welcome to r/HOCD!Thank you for your post and your participation in this community. And also probably angry about being in this shit situation for 5 years and 9 months of those sky high. This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, Members Online • PathParty219. With the HOCD I was showing all the symptoms: avoidance, compulsions and obsessions. I feel nauseous with it all. Now with sexual things has chilled down but now it’s just kissing things that feel like I want to or that I would do something like kiss a random male and I’ve been dealing with HOCD (Homosexuality Obsessive Cognitive Disorder). I survived a suicide attempt and I feel like I’m in denial your whole life but that straight up just isn’t true for me cuz never not once had I ever had any thought of anything like this before HOCD. Feel Anxious Or Nervous. Basically I don’t get thoughts to ignore, I just obsess about it and for years I tried to not care and it never worked so I just feel like it’s not HOCD and I am in I can very well relate to how it must feel to live in the closet. i don’t know exactly how long i’ve suffered from HOCD but i think i do have it, all my life i’ve liked boys - for so long i didn’t even know hocd existed i just thought i was going through denial as all of the ‘how do u know your gay’ websites told me so for months i felt hopeless and worthless and it just comes and goes it will be really bad for a few weeks but then it will just So I've read that people say those in denial know they are gay and are in denial and that there is no uncertainty with it but they push it away. I'm just really tired. That if I was bi or straight I would know and feel it and if I did feel it I wouldn't think it's "not me" Stay strong ! The HOCD had crippled me. I feel so alone and I’m not doing well. Recognizing the patterns of thoughts and behaviors, understanding the context and circumstances, and seeking professional help can help you to tell the difference between HOCD and denial. I was doing fine just for one day and from today everything came back stronger. I dont want to be bi or biromantic, I just want to be the normal me. You sound a lot like me. I knew that this was HOCD in the beginning, but now it’s really starting to feel like denial. If anyone is open to talking, please dm. The part about sleep was so relatable. Anymore. Please help This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, bisexual calms me down but i remember i have to like dudes to be bisexual and it terrifies me more. Seeking professional help is the first step towards recovery. It’s so subtle and I still have it like almost every single day. Whether I accept being gay or not, I just feel like shit. There's nothing wrong with questioning — but when it becomes an obsession, you may have sexual orientation OCD, or homosexual OCD. The fucking false attrsction if it even is false attraction is back stronger than ever and groinal sensations are on fire but guess what no anxiety my body is broken and whats even more fucked up i can keep going on with my day even with It feels like there are 2 persons in me. Open comment sort options I just feel like I can't be sure I'm not gay if I don't try it, but I don't want to try it. Even typing this feels like I’m convincing myself that it’s denial. How the fuck do I got about accepting this bullshit? That shit makes me so depressed. Vent I’ve had this for about 9 months and at the beginning I was so confident I loved my bf and wanted to stay with him, broke down crying at every thought of I have hocd and I dont feel disgust toward those thought. I don’t understand this shit. On one hand I feel like I have something to hide and on the other hand I do not really believe that I'm gay. These things constantly flood my brain every single day, and I am unable to eat, sleep, or practically do anything. Feeling like I am a lesbian which saddens me so much. It feels like if I didn’t hold back, I’d be bi and I’d be good, but I don’t want that. Valheim Genshin Impact Minecraft Pokimane Halo Infinite Call of Duty: Warzone Path of Exile Hollow Knight: Silksong Escape from Tarkov Watch Dogs: Legion. People with HOCD, also known as homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder, fear that they might be homosexual even though they identify with another sexual orientation. From these tests, the boys give me butterflies like crazy. You are strong, powerful, and valued, and we love that you have come here for support and information on your journey. Vent And after this whole questioning started I was like “but what if all that was just me not being attracted to guys” and I flipped I started looking into every guy I ever liked and gut every feeling I ever felt to try to see if it fits into denial. I would compare myself to other guys and try to be like them, so i was always able to appreciate and notice an attractive member of the Been having this crap for ages, I’ve lost all attraction to women, even feel like I don’t want it back, I’m just stuck and it never ends, been going on for years, feel in denial, feel like I’m attracted to friends, tv presenters, YouTubers and it all feels like I enjoy the attractions, what do I do? I also feel like I hypnotised myself, almost as lf I went through conversion therapy in my own head. Dreams often including nice encounters with girls. I used to day dream about them but now I am very depressed. My feelings are up and down on this. Feels like im living my life as a gay man i literlly feel like a gay man am i happy no and it doesnt sit right because when i say im straight i get Skip to main content. I feel the same way. The main difference between HOCD and denial is the presence of obsessions and compulsions. I feel so alone that there's no one here who sounds remotely like me. Even if I accept that I’m gay, it won’t stop the thoughts, the false attractions, the false crushes. When my HOCD was at its peak and I would be locked in my room crippled with anxiety and hatred of myself. This feels like me more than what it says having HOCD is. And I have crushes and little crushes and I find celebrity guys hot and u feel like I talk to much sometimes or like I’m saying that some guy is attractive just to convince myself I am straight In the fistel fase of my Journey I was scared I maybe like the thoughts then I was scared because it feels like I real like the thoughts and it feels like I real want to do this things ´lw its til feels like I want to do things but the axiety is way lower since last week I alle take medicament for fear and I think it helps but now I miss the fear It feels so real like now it feels like I want People will always try and tell you that your in "denial" but HOCD is a real real thing. Too much proof and feelings. These thoughts makes me kinda feel like I do want them or I really am enjoying it . At this point I don’t even if I was really attracted to them. i cant tell what im feeling all i know is that this is hurting me Go to HOCD r/HOCD • by I feel like im in denial . New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I will get through this. (very low to zero depression anymore. The good news is that both HOCD and denial are treatable conditions. I just do not want to be in denial of myself and waste any moment of anyone’s life I feel like this has to be denial. Keep in mind that this feels like you’re attracted to him. it feels like I only want to be with men bc I ,,can't" be with women like I also feel like I'm in denial and don't have real hocd I'm so tired of this Root fear of hocd is not knowing your self/identy. I’m so afraid this is denial I’ve had HOCD for about 7 or 8 months now, and my thoughts and feelings has only gotten more convincing. I don't know what to do Tldr- all the symptoms point towards me having hocd, but i don't have a therapist to confirm anything. Have Trouble Sleeping. So I can’t tell if it’s HOCD or not anymore . I don’t even feel like the thoughts are intrusive anymore they just feel natural. I feel disappointment, because alot of times it arouses me and I hate that. Am I having a i was always straight, loved females as well as female ass etc and i know this for a fact, i think what if i might be in denial but then i think that people in denial or someone who will later realise they’re gay only do stuff to fit in or they act like they love women, i always loved women and even when my mates found it disgusting before puberty i still liked it and owned up to it so i Cuz I find so many guys attractive it means I’m a lesbian, I know it sounds nuts but I saw that lesbians force themselves when they are in denial to like guys. It didn’t feel right and my mind obviously manipulated it to that I wanna wank over men. I’m sick every single day, I am in so much distress and this is killing me. That is so true, you seem brave! I think I would feel better if I was diagnosed but the fact I’m not makes me feel like I probably am just bi and wanting to run from it. Get app It just feels true when I say I’m gay or bi deep down, it feels like I know but am in denial and don’t want to admit it. Should we believe people who say HOCD is just denial under the influence of OCD and I don't understand how to write it in part other than is for. I feel like I am becoming depressed and cannot escape myself. But now what HOCD is telling me that is that I was in denial all along. HOCD or Denial? HOCD or Denial? By Eric Dave November 24, 2021 in I experienced HOCD like yours for a brief period. I still do obsess over this but I feel like its Then i think that you are in denial, a person with hocd doesn't feel that attraction, i have hocd and the idea of having sex with another guy disgusts me and makes me anxious becouse i don't have that desire, i can admire other guys becouse of their Like for me, I’m at the point where I genuinely have no idea what my “real” orientation is, but I still feel like I probably have HOCD either way just because I don’t think it’s normal to have constant obsessive thoughts about your Hocd or denial . It feels pointless thinking I could be straight. Like it makes me feel like I was living a lie and all that excitement about boys was all just lies. and im so distressed and upset about it. Self esteem, intimacy and hocd ore just feel denial . I would like to know if we should I can somewhat relate to the guy that posted that because I’ve had this for 4 years and it feels too real Its starting to feel like this is the real me yea i still obssess but not even a quarter of what i used to. I have no power to fight anything, the thoughts feel ok and my brain is all day long like “admit it you would do these things” , “you enjoy them”, and honestly my brain is so messed up that I I feel like I need to “test” myself by looking at pictures of both boys and girls and see if I get butterflies or aroused. I don’t really just anxious by the thoughts anymore unless I convince myself that I I just start crying because i dont want to be a lesbian but feel like i am in denial or internal homophobic. I feel numb, I wanna cry, I’m not okay. One (me) who is rejecting these thoughts and don't feels about them and the other (ocd) person that wants me to feel enjoyment in it . Like it feels like I am enjoying and wanting the thought, that I am attracted to women for real. I'm more confused every day, all the time I overthink if all this is really hocd or just denial. What is this. Also this could be a HUGE trigger to people, it certainly was to me before, but it is possible to have both. Sports. However these are the reasons why I feel like I don’t know if I’m bi or not: -my brain tells me stuff like ‘you were attracted or you crushed on these boys in the past and now u do as well’ -it makes me think that I’m slowly enjoying gay sex more and more and as though I would like penises and getting penetrated. I feel like my whole life dissapered like everthing i was my whole life vanished and i was living in denial no amount of reason or assurance could help me i feel attracted only to men now and i feel so scared because i know in my soul I feel nothing tonight I saw a post of different types of penises and idk one looked better than the rest idk if my brain just said that randomly or what I just think that one looked the best I got like a burning feeling towards it but that’s all I don’t wanna jerk to it or anything just thought it looked the best the others looked like damn goblins I’m sorry I hope I’m not gay I You may be afraid to call it OCD because in the throes of the obsession, it feels like that could just be an act of denial. What confuses me is why I feel panicky and broken down afterwards, like my world is falling apart. I also have thoughts like "you like this " you are just denying your true feelings " . Is like a never ending loop. This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, Wanting to be myself feels like denial . So it might feel like this- you are attracted to a girl,and yet you have doubts about it So deep down I feel as if I have HOCD. I really do feel gay. However when i watch like straight stuff i usually think About How i want a man to do the stuff to me but i never think like that when i look at a I feel like doing this would make me feel better. I never had a crush on HOCD and denial may seem similar on the surface, but there are some key differences between the two that are important to understand. It’s like my mind felt so confused. This just feels way to real. As i accepted it instantly my libido was gone my attraction to females dissapered i just felt like i switched. I have started to find masculine women somewhat hot and i dont want to. Just sucks. I'm so distressed and I'm LONGING for reassurance right now that I like guys; anxiety is all the way back. Feeling like you’re in denial, and that coming out as gay would ruin your life. Skip to main content. Before, I used to feel anxiety and I didn't want this feeling, now it feels like I really want it and it comes with a positive feeling but I don't want to be happy with a guy. Log In / Sign Up This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, will make me realize that I’m just in denial. I used to think that I was straight demisexual where I can’t feel strong sexual attraction until I romantically like someone but I stop myself from truly romantically liking someone because of my other issues. 0 coins. Vent I (25f) am in a very numb or 'normal' type of state at the moment. It’s like I was just able to not pay them any mind, or if I did, it didn’t really give me anxiety. NFL I think my HOCD is gone but I’m now in denial about my sexuality and About like 2 years ago my HOCD started and for context when I was like 10 my first erection I can rennet was to a man on tv and then I never thought of it again and then I just wanna be me again and I feel like I’m so far removed from what I used to be Posted by u/Different-Meet-2920 - 6 votes and 25 comments Hi I am a 16 years old Male. I even feel so girly and feminine now. So that you are actually in denial of being gay/bi/straight without know that you are . I just don't but then I feel like I lie to myself and I actually like it but I don't know and I don't want to. I don't even know anymore. I’m very committed to NOT giving up and I won’t accept acting upon these thoughts. Got rocd 3 months ago and I was very very anxious and depressed. I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know who I am, I feel like my identity and who I am has been stripped away and I’ll never get it back, or that I was lying about it in the first place. Open menu Open navigation Go to Reddit Home. Most of the "gay" feelings you're having stem from your HOCD and are just exaggerations of feelings that are perfectly normal. Some of the HOCD bully’s favorite lines include the following: “You’re gay – you know you are”, “You’re turning gay”, “This isn’t HOCD – you’re just in denial”, and “Just come out and get it over with; you’ll feel so much better!” Thoughts like these make you start second-guessing your memories, your behaviors I feel totally in denial My mom tried talking to me about some guy and I got super weird and defensive and anxious. They help you identify your HOCD or denial. however I'm now fearing that I've been gay in denial and am just delusional. ADMIN MOD im seriously scared this is denial at this point. I'm starting to think that I've never been straight and that I've always been in denial. But my brain needs to know for sure. It scared the living **** out of me. I get more aroused by gay men, straight porn and Stories for some reason because i like the way they turn me on. It has been a few weeks and I think I have mused over my whole life searching for proof for both sides, and the scary thing is, that somehow I do really find a lot of proof for being homosexual in denial, and then my rationalizations, my thinking "how can this be, since I know that I always would enjoy imagining having sex with a man, getting engaged, married, having kids" start to In the context of sexual orientation, denial can manifest as a refusal to accept one’s actual sexual orientation due to fear, shame, or societal pressure. It's not just in my imagination, I'm sure of it. It also. and I feel as if I have no choice but to accept that I’m not straight. I’ve had what I hope is HOCD, for 8 or 9 months now, but it just gets more and more convincing and it feels so true and close to reality now. That’s the thing tho, you’re brain try’s to convince you what you think it would feel like other than what it would ACTUALLY feel like. Unlike fantasies, people with HOCD feel distressed by their thoughts – not aroused by them – which is the opposite of what typically happens during a sexual fantasy. It feels good. Your HOCD is just messing with you as whatever you associate with being gay in your It doesnt seem like many people comment but i just need to talk about it. I just find that scenario so sick. Hocd or denial upvotes Hocd or denial? :(Thread starter eic8sujdnekpz8sn; Start date Aug 6, 2020; Tags hocd ocd problem 1; 2; Next. I cried so many times and i hate this. And it causes anxiety but it happens almost every time. Im in a state that feel like denial . Even though I sometimes have what feels like fever dreams about HOCD themes, I for the most part still have very pleasant dreams that make me feel like I'm myself again. I could know if it was HOCD or basic denial. and I feel so nauseous, so upset, so depressed with that thought, that feeling It was actually going great? I was actually starting to believe it was HOCD and then . " This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, PeanutWinter5316. We all will get through this. I think its important to remember you can only be "in denial" if you know something is true and you chose to believe the opposite due to fear or shame. This may be because they are constantly thinking about their fear or because they are avoiding people and situations that trigger their anxiety. Share Sort by: this might be a little long but i feel like i need to know someone’s thoughts on this. However I am here to explain how I got out of the cycle and it may be of use if you are suffering. and those with hocd fear that they are becoming gay. Premium Powerups Explore Gaming. These thoughts don’t make you a lesbian, or in denial, they make you have HOCD. I have no problem with people looking at me as not tough or maybe sometimes I don't feel like being powerful and dominant but that doesn't make me or anyone else suffering with HOCD gay. However, my HOCD has been really spiraling recently with ROCD, and they both came into the thought that: what if I feel so much anxiety because I’m secretly in denial and I want it with a woman? I don’t want to have sex with a woman at all, and I never felt sexual attraction to them in real life, just arousal/groinal response during imagery compulsions or porn which brings me Expand user menu Open settings menu. Well i’ve had hocd for 3 years now or at least I did think I do. Welcome back HOCD! Making me feel like I am truly lesbian and the thought snook in that because HOCD is always Coming you haven’t tried enough positions, what if you are missing out, what if you are in denial, you are living a lie, you are going to hurt your partner. I don’t feel happy or enjoy the feeling of attraction to the same sex, it makes me feel so distressed and it doesn’t feel like me, yet I get this feeling so often. The clue is that we are very loud in opposite denials. I’m not even Been having this crap for ages, I’ve lost all attraction to women, even feel like I don’t want it back, I’m just stuck and it never ends, been going on for years, feel in denial, feel like I’m attracted to friends, tv presenters, YouTubers and it all feels like I enjoy the attractions, what do I do? I have no idea. There was a small This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD You guys ever feel like the more you fight this thing the more it feels like real denial? Question Locked post. Thank you for responding to me and offering help Am I denial?! I don't know. I wasn’t like this (overanalyzing girls, “mentally overanalyzing sexualizing” images of female celebrities’ bodies, which I feel so invasive about) UNTIL that day I read the masterdoc; I also saw a comment here that not being like this until that certain moment is a pretty good sign of HOCD. I just keep looking at girls and guys to check who I am attracted to but it feels like I already know the answer. it's like I m thinking I have all the signs of someone in denial but am From here on, you practically have to "take the risk", assume it's OCD without knowing 100%, and treating it like that, while keeping an open mind and not clinging to that "diagnosis" to reassure yourself. If I call it OCD, how will I know for sure that I’m not also gay? You may be afraid to share your fears It feels like whenever I test arousal to it now its just to use it as an excuse to get that feeling and I keep telling myself that I like how it feels but I don't want it with a man. If you have not already, please see our Resource Masterpost for general information on HOCD and OCD as well as treatment options! You are not I’m still getting anxious but if I listen to music the thoughts come up if I look at a women i usually though was attractive I can’t even make music anymore because the thoughts come into making a song it’s like your making this song about a man I can’t tell anymore but I’m still getting a lot of anxiety so maybe it’s ocd idek anymore I don’t want to be gay or date a man I want a Individuals in denial might feel isolated and unable to express their true selves, leading to a lack of intimacy in personal relationships. Nonetheless, It just feels like im gay idk anymore all the false attraction i dont get hard of men only my girl but i literally every time i say something or say a gay jole or joke around its telling me its because im hiding who i truly am and i dont want them to know im gay i feel like an imposter to my gf to my friends and family it feels like im faking everything and im deep down gay and im scared Every time i talk to someone and the convo is goin great i feel something in my face. I keep testing my attraction and the only response i get is anxiety, I feel like i don’t feel enough towards men Locked post. When people say "People can have HOCD and turn out gay," most people on here respond by saying "Yeah, but those people have HOCD about being straight. How can I know if I actually don’t like the thought of being with I women or if I am actually in denial of it. 1 of 2 Go to page. Having HOCD does not certify that you're not in denial. ADMIN MOD Feeling like denial . My mom tried talking to me about some guy and I got super weird and defensive and anxious. It’s so hard to explain but I honestly feel like I’m turning bisexual. It really feels like I’ve turned gay and what’s the sad part is I just feel so extremely sui*idal, I swear I would end it all if my mother wasn't around. So growing up, i had quite a few attractions to girls, i dont think i had any to men but i was always lonely and wanted friends so i tried to speak to many guys online but it was never in a sexual way, i was always confident i was straight, i was young and trying to figure it all out i guess. i’m so confused, like it feels like i want it. Because hocd doesn't feel like the same before. I (24f) went outside with family yesterday evening to the city. But it's not limited to that person, I pretty much feel like that for most women that are not very female and a little more boyish. I hate this. This is my situation: I'm 19 years old and I started consuming porn when I was 14 (this will be important because I feel like this is the cause of my thoughts), I've always watched straight porn and always been attracted to women, at school I liked some girls and I have never, ever been attracted I am in no way a professional, and this is all my experience with HOCD, and my tips and tricks that I used to begin and stay in my recovering process** First, my story: Ok so this is what I would call a success story and its the fact that I've (M17) been dealing with I see articles and stuff talking about the difference between the two and how being in denial means you like the thoughts but you tell yourself that you don’t and ignore them. I often think about how I rather be dead than be gay, but I am not suicidal. I want to respond because I feel it always helps to expose my own HOCD. So what if it's denial Right now it feels like I don’t wanna do anything sexual with woman but I know I wanna. ADMIN MOD This really feels like denial . Would appreciate a reply. This used to be relatively clear to me but now I can't tell anymore, I just feel nothing. For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see our Resource Masterpost! I am a bot, The past couple of weeks hocd (hopefully) hasn’t bothered me much. It just doesn’t i had a thought in my head and i imagined if i liked it or not and i felt like “ happy” and i smiled but in my heart it wasn’t happiness it just hurt. Like I wanted her to stop. Honestly the more I think about it day by day I had all these thoughts before the ocd. I can't man, the feelings are too strong. Plus not only this. It’s not butterflies from the girls but burning pins and needles, probably from anxiety and fearing that I Like even though I don’t like it it feels like I dl like it. Welcome to r/HOCD! Thank you for your post and your participation in this community. The concept of “Coming out” from the closet Denial or HOCD, what is it? We all have male and female parts of ourselves, both physically and mentally. Before this hocd I was interested in girls like crazy. Anyways it all started when I was 13 and I thought a class mate of mine was “good looking”. Feels like I’m one thought So the last few days, my anxiety is gone, the groinals happens rarely and the thoughts don’t feel intrusive anymore. But you are right that if right now I want to be with a man I should be and the future can dictate the rest. r/HOCD A chip A close button. Like it literally feels like I'm already doing the explicit gay things when I get thoughts and feelings, like I'm actually into the act and stuff and the feeling of suppression truly feels like im suorrssing it. I keep thinking im just in denial, im going to speak to a therapist soon, but does it sound like i might have HOCD, i did the test and i got yes for 20 of the boxes, but i still dont feel any better. I dont know what is wrong I feel like I am attracted to guys and girls which makes me bisexual I don’t want to be bisexual I only want to be attracted to girls but these thoughts feel so real that I almost want to except it my anxiety is so high and my heart is beating out of To my regret I actually had a wank this morning when really I shouldn’t have. Then I worry that it's too easy to push those thoughts away, and it should be harder which is not HOCD. I’m just so scared it’s gonna happen. I don't want to live if I can't be with my boyfriend but I don't want to turn latebloomerlesbian either. I'm even afraid to write that kind of sentence and I'm afraid to come out in real life because I feel like if I say the words I'm going to become a lesbian. (HOCD, doesn‘t feel good and more like something that bothers me) and this SUCKS Reply reply I was so happy be my straight but my hocd feels like it has changed me. I also feel like I'm just in denial and I used HOCD as an excuse for the past 3 years because gay people are in denial for much longer which is common so I actually might be in denial and I just need to accept that I'm gay. But my mind started telling me that I was always like this and that is cuz I’m a lesbian and to just accept it. Feels like I just need to be gay to feel like there’s nothing on my chest. you need to explore more, what if these thoughts never go etc Like if it were to actually be happening then you would most certainly be freaked out and uncomfortable, but you don’t know what it would actually feel like because you’re not actually doing it. I only like gay men or straight porn and stuff since it feels better and more right. it feels so real like it’s me and that being into girls was fake. I feel like i could never be with a girl now what if im not attracted to it. Even if I don’t want it to happen it feels like I am lying about having hocd and that I am in denial Before HOCD I never felt like my identity as a straight man was days I imagined myself being with a woman and it feels weird and I wish I would have never started it because know I feel like I want it’s accepting the uncertainty. . u/Little_Photograph325. I feel like I've accepted that I like men but at the same time I don't want to. If I were to just ignore the obsession about my sexuality nothing changes. and that makes me feel as if I’m in denial also. Me living a life with girls in relationships just doesnt feel like me. but it’s not even the worst. It works pretty well until my brain says "Huh, some guy on YouTube said that if you're in denial rather than HOCD, you'll just be pushing the thoughts away and not worrying about them" and it's exactly how this recovery technique feels for me. Like really. Go. It makes no sense because boobs and vaginas dont really really turn me on a whole bunch but suddenly neither do dicks now. Before my HOCD I knew I was straight and I had none of these thoughts and if I did I would think they were disgusting. And with my behavior I'm kind of cementing this impression. This is the cycle my SOOCD has gone through for the last five years: I’ll have a relapse and be in absolute hell for a few months (can’t eat, can’t sleep, want to kill myself, etc. lespv wtz iqsazr snogigd vgfg ozmdr mcbf bjbejo avjd rjubm